You Can Survive the Blast of a SuperVolcano

The Yellowstone super volcano has previously erupted three times with a force up 2,500 times of Mount St. Helens… an eruption that generated a blast equal to 27,000 Hiroshima-sized nuclear weapons. This Yellowstone eruption of the past covered almost all of the current U.S. in ash.

Now, let’s sit back together, steeple our fingers thoughtfully and remember how John Cusack stood there with his kid and watched as the Caldera in 2012 blew. Not only did the force of the blast not completely liquify the pair of them, but they weren’t even deafened. Or blinded.

Lava’s Not Really That Hot

Ha ha, oh Lava. That? No problem. If you have watched Volcano or Dante’s Peak, you know you can totally hang out behind the safety of concrete construction barricades and have a coffee. Or climb out over it on a ladder. It might make you sweat or something. But it’s not like its around 1500 degrees Fahrenheit.

Sure, people can collapse from heat exhaustion when it hits 120 degrees, but lava is different. Apparently. Did you know you can drive over it and only get some popped tires? Pierce Brosnan did it, so can you!

Earthquake Cracks Think They’re People

I guess some earthquakes are sentient? And hold grudges? How else do you explain their uncanny ability to sense a moving vehicle or running person and follow just behind them?

Not only do these Krazy Kracks do vengeful stuff like chase people, but in real life they just don’t really happen like that. Earthquake movies like 10.5 and San Andreas are big fans of monstrous cracks opening up so cars and people and stuff can fall in… but in the case of a strike-slip fault (like the San Andreas) these things don’t happen. The two sides of the fault are scraping against each other in opposite directions – – the friction is what causes the shaking. If the earth pulled apart like in the photo above there would be no friction. And no shaking. But it remains the go-to visual for hollywood when they want to depict earthquakes.

There are divergent plate boundaries that pull away from each other, but these are slow movements that occur where continental plates meet and create massive rift valleys. Like in Africa and in the middle of the Atlantic.

You Can Outrun Cold Temperatures

Say, for example, there’s this magic super storm and the “eye” of it is sucking air out of the chilly troposphere. Well, supposedly if you were in that “eye,” it would get really cold. Because the Troposphere reaches temps of 60 degrees F (OMG! I need a light sweater!) to -60 degrees F at the coldest. Apparently, that’s like liquid nitrogen or something. Don’t tell the folks who live in Alaska.

Even if 60 degrees were actually THAT cold, it turns out that molecules of air compress as they come down, which would mean they would warm adiabatically. The air molecules are closer together nearer to Earth because of this thing called “gravity.” More densely populated molecules means more kinetic energy, which means warmth. So… there’s that.

Sure, the magic science of the Day After Tomorrow tells us that “the air is descending too fast to warm up,” but that’s hilariously stupid. That’s like saying the laws of physics are just a suggestion. A guideline, if you will. This is like saying that “speed” beats all natural laws. Kind of like how, if you run fast enough, you can outrun air.

P.S. A couple of wooden doors will stop that magic science air “cold” in its tracks. Haha… see what I did there?

You Can Totally Breathe Poisonous Toxic Ash

 

In both Volcano and Dante’s Peak, the highly toxic, extremely hot, and fine ash looks suspiciously like fluffy, happy snow. All idyllic and gently floating around in big puffy flakes. It, surprisingly, doesn’t corrode or pit the windshields of the cars or… you know…
kill all the people breathing what is essentially microscopic shards of glass into their lungs with internal hemorrhaging.

Pyroclastic Clouds Just Aren’t That Fast

Look out! There’s a super-heated, dense, gas and ash cloud that can reach up to 1,900 Fahrenheit headed your way.

Don’t worry… take your time to gawk at it because you can totally get away in time. It can only travel at about 450 miles per hour. So any old RV or beat-up pickup truck can do that, easy. Or, you know, you can probably make it on foot if you’re carrying an injured friend or relative. You’ll be fine.

Maybe there’s a rock or something you can get behind?

Suspension Bridges Ignore Physics

Ha ha… sorry, this is a total science-nerd one. But seriously.

Look at the image here. See the tower on the bridge after the magic microwaves “break through” the Earth’s magnetic field (pssst…microwaves can already pass through the magnetic field)? The middle of the Golden Gate Bridge is destroyed and the suspension towers, for some reason, are bending inwards as if the cables in the middle were pushing the two towers apart.

Fun game for at home: get a rope and two friends. Each of you stand on either side of the rope and pull like you are playing tug-of-war. This is how a suspension bridge works. Now, get another friend to cut the middle of the rope. Do you fall forward when that happens? Or backward?
Ha ha, you fell down.

You Can Survive Intense Heat and Pressure

Gotta go outside to fix something when you find yourself near the Earth’s core? No prob, the outer core fluid is only 9,000°F (4,982°C). Also, turns out you already know (and say out loud) that the suit you have to wear can withstand only half that temperature. That’s like walking outside in 4,500 degrees.
Maybe you’d think that was kind of a bad idea, but it turns out that, sure, your shoes will melt and your glasses will break. And you’re gonna light up like a light bulb (for some reason)… but you will still have a few minutes to fix the problem before you die.
So, it’s fine then.

You Can Miss An Approaching Asteroid the Size of Texas

Ceres is a real asteroid… well, I guess it’s technically a dwarf planetoid. It’s also the largest asteroid in our asteroid belt. It’s big enough that you can actually see it with your naked eye if you know where to look and there’s not too much ambient light where you’re standing. Ceres is 900km across and this new, never-before-seen asteroid in Armageddon is supposedly the size of Texas. That’s 1600km. in case you don’t carry that kind of info around with you.

So. The movie says that it’s about 18 days away, which puts it closer to Earth than Ceres is in real life. It’s both closer and bigger than the asteroid we can already see without a telescope. The math says that it would be 3-4,000 times brighter than Ceres. The MOVIE, on the other hand, says that only 15 telescopes in the world could have spotted something that anyone who wasn’t completely blind and not wearing a neck brace could have seen for themselves.

Right there. Up in the sky. Any time someone looked up.

You Can Still Send Radio Transmissions Thousands of Feet Underground

Roger that.

Sound waves can travel a depth of a few kilometers at best. However, somehow, from thousands of kilometers deep down inside the Earth, The Core team communicates with the surface. I guess that means that if I mail my brother a walkie-talkie in New York, I can talk to him from Los Angeles for FREE!